What would you do?

What will you do if you have a best friend, already married, and is having marital problems? He insists in making you a pillar of strength even if you are in doubt whether you want to take on that role. Whenever you talk to him, he opens up and pours out his weaknesses and how he ought to just kill himself because he cannot act like a father should. And you are all tired of negating whatever harmful things he thinks he ought to do.

What will you do?

I am a good friend. Not because I am kind and all. It’s just that I believe in karma, that’s why. I am a good friend because I want to have good friends in return. And I can say that I do have some really good friends. Especially those from high school… and two from college.

I do not want to be a bad friend, most especially to a really close bud. But I am tired of everything. Don’t get me wrong, I love my best buds. The other one does not bother me with marital problems yet. He’s getting married soon. While the other one…

I just realized that maybe because I am used to seeing men like my dad, I am uncomfortable with the kind of setup I currently have with best bud no. 2. I don’t like it at all. I don’t like to always remind him to be strong for the kids, to not give up on the wife, to just hold on to the family and not harm himself. I particularly hate stopping him from leaving his family. I really hate it! It’s a sign of weakness and I hate it that a father can think of abandoning his family for whatever reason.

Now I am resorting to going invisible whenever he’s online. I hardly reply to his text messages.

And this afternoon, I cringed at a message I received from him. He’s asking if I am mad at him and if so, he does not want it to happen because I am the only one left that he can lean on.

I really don’t like it at all.

If you are in my position, what would you do?

Mood swings, weight problems

Sobrang wala ako sa mood lately talaga. Wala sa mood magbasa, magsulat, mag-isip sobra. Ang tanging pinagkakaabalahan ko lang talaga ay manood ng Prison Break (and drool over Wentworth Miller!) with my siblings every night. Yan lang. Of course I need to do some sponsored posts kaya naman tignan nyo, 1 week akong walang post na maayos. Puro sponsored lang.

Yesterday, fiesta sa amin. Instead na makisaya, natulog ako half the time. Paano ba naman, bukod sa puyat ako, sama pa ng pakiramdam ko. Maayos na ako ngayon. Pero yesterday, wala, bagsak talaga.

And the reason for all these annoying mood swings… being overweight! I think my weight is affecting my moods na. Nakakahiya mang aminin, I gained back the weight I lost almost a year ago 🙁 Syempre kasalanan ko talaga. I eat when I get stressed out. Before July 2007, sobrang stressed out ako lagi. Daming issues sa buhay ko, both sa work at sa personal, kaya imagine nyo na lang how often and how much I ate that time. Hay… naiisip ko lang nakakalungkot na hehehe…

Ang mahirap kasi sa akin, I take refuge in the high that food brings. Kapag may problema, ganyan ako. But when I’m happy naman, even if I don’t eat that much okay lang. Kaya naman ngayon, eto, I’m suffering from my lack of discipline where food is concerned. Bad talaga 🙁 I am not sure naman if I can go on a diet na tulad ng dati na puro dahon lang. But I will try to eat less na. Napapagalitan na ako ng mga sisters ko hehe

So iyon lang naman. Kaya naman I am the queen of katamaran for the past couple of weeks now. Pabugsu-bugso ang kasipagan ko.

I need to go on a diet na! I need to lose weight! Somebody help me! Hehehe…

Thank you to everyone who keep on visiting.
Saka dun sa mga nagbigay sa akin ng gifts… Ipo-post ko separately, girls 🙂
And pasensya na talaga wala kayong makitang matino dito sa ngayon. It will all change pretty soon 🙂

Have a great week ahead everyone!

My mom, my angel

I miss her so much. It has been 2 years now since I saw her breathed her last. It will forever be one of the most painful experiences of my life… seeing her die.

Home has never been the same without her. She had a way of making her presence known. Nobody can cook like her ever. My mom was a superb cook. I miss hearing her ask what ulam I want. I miss her hamonado, chicken tocino, chopsuey, spaghetti… I miss watching her cook, helping her prepare the ingredients. Even the smell of her cooking…

I miss going home and finding her waiting. I miss telling her everything happening to me. She would be the first one to encourage me to pursue something I wanted to do… besides wanting to see me happy, I guess it was her way of saying sorry for pushing me into this profession. I miss making sumbong about work. I miss hearing her cheer me on. I can just see her face if I told her I want to quit work. She knew everything about me.

I miss hugging her and laughing with her. I miss her childlike glee upon seeing a gift or a pasalubong for her. I miss gossiping with her about people we both know. Or hearing whose birthday it is today. She had this uncanny knack of remembering special occasions.

Today is her 2nd death anniversary, later at exactly 9:30 in the morning. I miss my mom so much. Life will never ever be the same without her to share everything with.

I love you ‘my!

Related: Missing them

September 17 is her day…

Rare that you can find a friend like her. Shen is a “palitaw”… sometimes she’s there, sometimes she’s not. What is amazing with this friend of mine is that she has a knack for calling/texting when you feel like talking to/seeing her; when you need her. I remember there was a time when we hadn’t seen each other for a year or so. No calls, text messages, emails… this was the time that she had a “helmet” on and was crazy in love with a no-good guy. I kept on thinking that I want to see her but I didn’t know how to reach her because she dropped out of circulation. When out of nowhere, she called me up and we hooked up again.

It is already 15 years that we’ve been friends. She became my friend back in second year high school. It was not always a smooth ride for us. There was a time that a common friend tried to break our friendship. I am glad that I did not listen to her.

She was there during the good and bad times. She was there when I badly needed someone who wouldn’t judge me. She was there when I just needed mind-numbing monologues from someone. She has done so many things and the one I will never forget is when she was with me during that tumultuous TWA time. I will not grow tired of saying thank you for that time, pare! It was difficult to look back and see myself alone during that time. It would’ve been truly unbearable without you.

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I Met The Monk!

Aha! I already met the monk! The monk is Dom Lawrence, OSB, a monk-blogger I met a few weeks ago. Wow kuya, it WAS just a few weeks ago nga ano? And yet, it felt like we’ve been friends for so long…

So he went home for some family matters and have emailed and texted us that we ought to see each other nga raw. It was supposed to be last August 26, a Sunday, because the next day was a holiday. Unfortunately, I forgot about it. Hahahah… Di ko raw kasi hawak ang buhay ko… hawak daw ng blog ko buhay ko! Hahahah… Si kuya talaga! He met with ironnie and jeprocks. Sayang, met them na rin sana.

So we re-set our EB and saw each other last September 4 at The Block. We were supposed to see each other by 11am. We were texting and he said that he’s already at the MRT. 12nn, I was wondering what happened to him na. Duda ko naligaw… naligaw nga! Hahaha… I was laughing so hard when I got his text message… naligaw nga sya. Kasi naman sabi ko SM North Edsa, ang sinabi sa babae sa MRT SM West!!! Hahahah katawa talaga. And he was not even telling me that he didn’t know how to go to the place. Saka I didn’t know he’ll be coming from Cavite pa hehe.

Sabi ni kuya… It’s embarrassing to get lost in your own native land.

I still laugh whenever I remember that. So ang 11am namin naging 1pm. You’re probably thinking bakit naman kasi 11am, too early… kasi I got forewarned that kuya is makwento. So I figured, kulang 1 araw sa aming dalawa kung ganon! Hahaha… And I am right! Goodness, ang ingay namin sa Burgoo! We were laughing and mas nabusog ako sa tawa kesa sa kinain namin hahahah…

Si kuya, texting lang ang pahinga! As in promise! Hahahaha

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Reklamadora… not!

As much as possible, I don’t complain. I always think of a reason why something happened or is happening. That attitude is keeping me sane.

But for the past few days now, I am complaining to my dad that my back aches because I think my computer table is not where I want it to be. Finally, he heard my pleas of rearranging these two tables (my computer table and another desk). When I got home, he had shown proudly that he made a corner for me, a mini office. Hahahah… so happy!

Now I am enjoying this strategic location of my computer table… I can blog and watch tv at the same time! Hehehe

Goodbye back aches and thanks to my dad! 🙂

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