Pissed!

I hate it when friends abuse my kindness!

I lent a friend some money back in July. I wouldn’t have lent him some if he really didn’t need it. I also trusted him not to double cross me. Boy was I wrong! Almost 6 months down the road, here I am, begging him to at least leave me a message on YM. I have left messages on his YM accounts, Gmail, Friendster and even texted him even if his cellphone number is always out of reach. All messages asking him to at least tell me if he can already pay me or he still needs more time. I was polite at first thinking maybe he has not gone online for a few days now and his cellphone was pawned to get money for his kids and all. I am creating scenarios in my head so as to avoid thinking that he has no more desire to pay me. And then I saw his Friendster account a few minutes ago. It says that his last log in was 24 hours ago. Tapos dedma??? WTF?!?!@#$!%

I left him an angry message telling him to give me some respect because I did not just picked up that money out of nowhere. Of all my friends…

Another friend is asking for some financial help. She might not pull something like this on me but I don’t know. I have a soft heart for people undergoing financial problems because I’ve been there so many times I know the feeling of drowning in a sea of debts. That’s why I help relatives and friends. I always keep in mind that when I was in that situation, I hardly had someone I can run to for some financial help. And now that I can do my share of helping, I want to at least give back the kindness I received from others before.

But with this situation, I don’t know if I will lend money to friends again.

I am really pissed right now!

Can you feel the Christmas spirit?

Not really. I just felt it when we went to Divisoria last weekend. Saturday and Sunday mornings, we were at Tutuban and 168 Malls. We bought gifts for relatives and friends already. That is the only time I felt its already Christmas because there are so many people around doing their Christmas shopping. But other than that, wala.

I just feel sad because you cannot feel the old Christmas spirit anymore. Those times we were kids when shopping was not really important. Caroling was the main focus of kids, eagerly awaiting December 16th. I miss the old times when Christmas decorations did not consist of huge, expensive “parols” bought from Pampanga or Gilmore Street but of a simple parol made of papel de Hapon. Christmas is so commercialized nowadays. If you don’t have enough money, your Christmas is doomed. That’s the idea injected in our minds.

I noticed that in our neighborhood, only 3 houses, including ours, put up Christmas lights and parol. How sad no? When before, after November 2, decorations are in full swing already. Now, it’s already December 3 and yet people are not yet in the Christmas mood.

Ask them why and only one answer will they give you…

Wala kasing pera.

Didn’t they know that with or without money we can all celebrate Christmas? It need not be an expensive celebration. We just have to go back to basic and celebrate it because of the Lord. A simple parol will do. It need not be an expensive one. Banderitas will do. And some Christmas songs blasting from the neighbor’s radio will do the trick.

Wait, come to think of it, do you hear Christmas songs being played on the radio?

Come on, let’s start spreading the Christmas spirit. It’s 22 days before Christmas… can you suggest ways we can celebrate Christmas even without much money involved?

What would you do?

What will you do if you have a best friend, already married, and is having marital problems? He insists in making you a pillar of strength even if you are in doubt whether you want to take on that role. Whenever you talk to him, he opens up and pours out his weaknesses and how he ought to just kill himself because he cannot act like a father should. And you are all tired of negating whatever harmful things he thinks he ought to do.

What will you do?

I am a good friend. Not because I am kind and all. It’s just that I believe in karma, that’s why. I am a good friend because I want to have good friends in return. And I can say that I do have some really good friends. Especially those from high school… and two from college.

I do not want to be a bad friend, most especially to a really close bud. But I am tired of everything. Don’t get me wrong, I love my best buds. The other one does not bother me with marital problems yet. He’s getting married soon. While the other one…

I just realized that maybe because I am used to seeing men like my dad, I am uncomfortable with the kind of setup I currently have with best bud no. 2. I don’t like it at all. I don’t like to always remind him to be strong for the kids, to not give up on the wife, to just hold on to the family and not harm himself. I particularly hate stopping him from leaving his family. I really hate it! It’s a sign of weakness and I hate it that a father can think of abandoning his family for whatever reason.

Now I am resorting to going invisible whenever he’s online. I hardly reply to his text messages.

And this afternoon, I cringed at a message I received from him. He’s asking if I am mad at him and if so, he does not want it to happen because I am the only one left that he can lean on.

I really don’t like it at all.

If you are in my position, what would you do?

My mom, my angel

I miss her so much. It has been 2 years now since I saw her breathed her last. It will forever be one of the most painful experiences of my life… seeing her die.

Home has never been the same without her. She had a way of making her presence known. Nobody can cook like her ever. My mom was a superb cook. I miss hearing her ask what ulam I want. I miss her hamonado, chicken tocino, chopsuey, spaghetti… I miss watching her cook, helping her prepare the ingredients. Even the smell of her cooking…

I miss going home and finding her waiting. I miss telling her everything happening to me. She would be the first one to encourage me to pursue something I wanted to do… besides wanting to see me happy, I guess it was her way of saying sorry for pushing me into this profession. I miss making sumbong about work. I miss hearing her cheer me on. I can just see her face if I told her I want to quit work. She knew everything about me.

I miss hugging her and laughing with her. I miss her childlike glee upon seeing a gift or a pasalubong for her. I miss gossiping with her about people we both know. Or hearing whose birthday it is today. She had this uncanny knack of remembering special occasions.

Today is her 2nd death anniversary, later at exactly 9:30 in the morning. I miss my mom so much. Life will never ever be the same without her to share everything with.

I love you ‘my!

Related: Missing them

September 17 is her day…

Rare that you can find a friend like her. Shen is a “palitaw”… sometimes she’s there, sometimes she’s not. What is amazing with this friend of mine is that she has a knack for calling/texting when you feel like talking to/seeing her; when you need her. I remember there was a time when we hadn’t seen each other for a year or so. No calls, text messages, emails… this was the time that she had a “helmet” on and was crazy in love with a no-good guy. I kept on thinking that I want to see her but I didn’t know how to reach her because she dropped out of circulation. When out of nowhere, she called me up and we hooked up again.

It is already 15 years that we’ve been friends. She became my friend back in second year high school. It was not always a smooth ride for us. There was a time that a common friend tried to break our friendship. I am glad that I did not listen to her.

She was there during the good and bad times. She was there when I badly needed someone who wouldn’t judge me. She was there when I just needed mind-numbing monologues from someone. She has done so many things and the one I will never forget is when she was with me during that tumultuous TWA time. I will not grow tired of saying thank you for that time, pare! It was difficult to look back and see myself alone during that time. It would’ve been truly unbearable without you.

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Reklamadora… not!

As much as possible, I don’t complain. I always think of a reason why something happened or is happening. That attitude is keeping me sane.

But for the past few days now, I am complaining to my dad that my back aches because I think my computer table is not where I want it to be. Finally, he heard my pleas of rearranging these two tables (my computer table and another desk). When I got home, he had shown proudly that he made a corner for me, a mini office. Hahahah… so happy!

Now I am enjoying this strategic location of my computer table… I can blog and watch tv at the same time! Hehehe

Goodbye back aches and thanks to my dad! 🙂

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